QUIZ RECAP

When Grindaneus, God Of Coffee, was in the last stages of Cosmic Truth Or Dare, a yearly event where all the gods float in a circle and truth or dare the hell out of each other for an entire year until the next Cosmic Truth Or Dare, Grind (to his friends) was challenged to a dare he had never though about before. “Oh, Grind?” said Lemonandea, Goddess Of Fruity Drinks, “I dare you to grind coffee beans with your mouth.” “You didn’t even say ‘Truth or Dare,’ said Grind. “Yeah, I know,“ said Lemon (to her friends), “I’d rather see you grind coffee beans with your mouth.” “Can you do that?” the other gods asked in perfect unison. (And I mean perfect; they said it at the exact same time.) “I mean,” said Grind, “I’ve never done it before, but if anyone can do it, I imagine I could.” And so, Grind’s bite radius finally revealed itself not only to those in attendance, but also to himself; he had no idea he could open his jaw to the tune of two light years wide. But open it that wide he did, as he poured some five thousand Earth-sized bags of Colombian Geisha beans into his gaping maw. Next, he just as quickly clamped his jaw shut and started to, yes, grind. But not with his teeth or jaw. No, no. Grind ground with his hips. Swerving and shaking and undulating from his pelvis and hind quarters, Grind used his god-given rolling techniques with his body to grind those beans in his mouth into some of the most expensive coffee ever brewed. Then, just as efficiently, he spat it into the mouths of his gob-smacked attendees. All the gods summarily tasted it, but one raised her hand and said: “Um, I prefer decaf.” Here’s the point: Grind’s feeling of being unappreciated is quite akin to how I feel when no one tips me for hosting trivia. Let’s talk.

The drinking round was a Sandler Off: whoever could do the best impression of Adam Sandler won. When In Ramen won it with the Hanukkah song and why not?

In third place tonight was Queen Bees with 76 points. In second place with 77 points was Win Place Show. And taking the night by one point was Rob’s Angeles with 78 points. Join us every Wednesday at the Glendale Tap for more King Trivia fun!