The Glendale Tap
4227 San Fernando RdGlendale CA 91204
- PUB QUIZ—Wednesdays @ 7:30pm
The Glendale Tap
Glendale CA 91204
QUIZ RECAP
When Pizzaneus, God Of Wood-Fired Dough, threw his last pie into the kiln, he said: “Aaaaand I retire! That’s it! No more pies!” Then—from right behind him, with a way-too-loud blast of vocal fortitude—came: “Can I get a pizza please?” Pizz (to his friends) spun right around and said: “Didn’t you hear what I said?” said Pizza, “I’m retired.” “Look,” said Aaroneus, God Of Errands, I gotta get a pie with anchovies and kumquats to Zeus’s daughter’s quinceañera by twelve or I’m dead!” “Which daughter?” asked Pizz. “His three thousandth one,” said Aaron (to his friends), “Exfolia. She’s all about the kumquats.” So, without another word, both Pizz and Aaron flew to the one kumquat tree in the land, loaded up a trebuchet of four million kumquats, went to Exfolia’s quinceañera, and lobbed all of them right at her, just as she was busting open a pińata. Here’s the point: The same thing totally happened last night at the Glendale Tap.
The Drinking Round was a Nicholson-Off. The best impression of Jack Nicholson won free drinks. A guy came up and mimed drug use and won!
In third place was the normally first place When In Ramen with 72 points. In second was Donna Party Kababs with 73. And taking the night was Live Laugh Love with 79 points. Join its every Wednesday at the Glendale Tap at 7:30 for more King Trivia fun!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | Live Laugh Love | 79 | 13 | 1.000 | |
| 2 | 150416 | Doner Party Kebabs | 73 | 12 | 0.923 |
| 3 | 131792 | When in Ramen | 72 | 11 | 0.846 |
| 4 | 80303 | Jazzcats | 65 | 10 | 0.769 |
| 5 | Gay for Play Okaaaaayrt! | 56 | 9 | 0.692 | |
| 6 | 98077 | Queen Bees | 52 | 8 | 0.615 |
| 7 | orange dot | 47 | 7 | 0.538 | |
| 8 | 135457 | Cheese knees | 46 | 6 | 0.462 |
| 9 | 152714 | Speakeasy | 49 | 5 | 0.385 |
| 10 | arugula salad | 48 | 4 | 0.308 | |
| 11 | Win, place, show | 47 | 3 | 0.231 | |
| 12 | 35430 | Solo Gig | 42 | 2 | 0.154 |
| 13 | 143324 | Glendale Tap This!! | 38 | 1 | 0.077 |
| 14 | 152715 | MUSTAAAAAAAAAAAARD | 37 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Panella, Goddess Of Throwing Pans, hurled her last pan of the Pan-Off, an annual Pan Hurling event, everyone thought she was done, including her. “Well, that’s it for me,” said Pan (to her friends) as she took a load off and plopped down under a Velcro tree, “I’m done here.” From deep in the forest came a reply, gravelly and low: “Oh, are you?” Suddenly, from a beige, butt-shaped cloud, Skilleteus, God Of Skillets, plummeted to Earth, landed at Pan’s feet and before he could even say anything, Pan finished for him: “You challenge me, right?” This happened to Pan all the time: she’d whip her pans across the universe with more accuracy than a laser sight, finish up with an “I’m done!” and then have to deal with the next ego-hurt god-dude who just couldn’t let it go, who just simply had to take her on. “Okay, let’s go,” Pan sighed to Skillet (to his friends). “Wanna go first?” asked Pan. But Skillet didn’t answer; he just chucked a no-stick fryer into the air on a sweeping arc high into the night and then caught it in his teeth upon its return two years later. Pan said: “‘Kay, my go!” She wound back and suddenly put her pan into a hyper sleep chamber and made it freeze there for twenty years. When she finally opened the pod again, an entire two decades later, the pan was older and therefore had traveled more than Skillet’s pan. “That’s cheating!” said Skillet, “and I had to wait twenty years for that! Where are the judges?” And he was right: the judges left after year seven. But here’s the point: Last night’s game of trivia took nowhere near as long. Let’s talk!
The Drink Round was a Love Off: impressions of Courtney Love did abound. The winner was Foxymoron who sang quite off pitch; in other words, it was perfect. Free drinks!
In third place was Four Kids In A Trenchcoat with 44 points. In second place was Boogie Down with 55 points. And taking the night (and the beer) was Foxymoron with 56 points! (The true winner was Glendale Tap This! with 68,000 points, but when the bartenders win, it’s bad for business so they very nicely relinquish their prize and pay it forward. How—whattayacallit?—nice! Join us every Wednesday at 7:30 at the Glendale Tap for more King Trivia fun!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 143324 | Glendale Tap This!! | 68 | 8 | 1.000 |
| 2 | Foxymoron | 56 | 7 | 0.875 | |
| 3 | Boogie Down | 55 | 6 | 0.750 | |
| 4 | 152159 | Four kids in a trench coat | 44 | 5 | 0.625 |
| 5 | The orange dot | 43 | 4 | 0.500 | |
| 6 | Matt Chardonnay | 39 | 3 | 0.375 | |
| 7 | 89887 | We Dem Boyz | 28 | 1 | 0.188 |
| 7 | 151405 | Brownie Points | 28 | 1 | 0.188 |
| 9 | Daddies and Dumplings | 26 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Jaquondea, Goddess Of Jacks, scooped up her last pearly (and by “her,” it’s meant it was indeed hers, as in owned by her, as she had indeed owned the entire match by that point), her vanquished opponent Larrondeus, God Of Dirt Games, mumbled: “Double or nothing?” “We’ve been played for two millennia,” answer Jaq (to her friends). And they had indeed been playing for two millennia: the marble match in question had started at one end of the galaxy and moved like a snail to the other, with the two gods bent to the dirt in a battle of spherical knockabout that rivaled the intensity of the previous millennium’s Universe Ball Match, a similar competition in which two teams of four gods each hurled planets at one another until all gods were destroyed. But that competition only took six hundred thousand years and no overtime. Jaq and Lar (to his friends) had not anticipated to still be playing. The crowd too had not foreseen the length of this scrimmage and deserted the stands after the first million years, leaving the two hurlers to themselves. “What do we do now?” asked Lar, “I feel like playing marbles with you…is the only thing I know.” “You hitting on me?” asked Jaq. “Certainly not,” said Law, “it’s just that…while I specialize in dirt games, I don’t even really consider marbles to be a dirt game.” “So you agreed to this bout because why?” “I had time to kill, but not this much time. My family, though comprised of all gods, have probably died of old age by now.” Lar’s idea of a dirt game was mud wrestling, and when he tried to bring that up Jaq thought he was hitting on her again and looked embarrassed, so Lar tried to console her with: “At least there aren’t people watching.” “I’m still extremely embarrassed.” And then the two gods, post-match, stood there eyeing each other for the rest of eternity. Here’s the point: Trivia night at the Glendale Tap tonight was exactly like this.
In honor of Question 6, Round 1, the Drinking Round was a tap-off. Whoever could do the best tap dance won free drinks. And the winner was this girl from Rob’s Angels. You know what she did? She actually tap danced. Free drinks!
In third place tonight with a score of 56 points was Burgerphone. Taking second place (by tie-breaker) is When In Ramen. And taking first place (by tiebreaker) was Rob’s Angels! Come back next week to the Glendale Tap for more King Trivia fun!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 134280 | Rob’s Angels | 61 | 11 | 0.958 |
| 1 | 131792 | When in Ramen | 61 | 11 | 0.958 |
| 3 | 151739 | Burgerphone | 56 | 10 | 0.833 |
| 4 | 143324 | Glendale Tap This!! | 51 | 9 | 0.750 |
| 5 | Live Laugh Love | 43 | 8 | 0.667 | |
| 6 | Did you know that Viggo Mortensen broke two toes from kicking the helmet while filming Lord of the Rings? | 37 | 7 | 0.583 | |
| 7 | 98077 | Queen Bees | 31 | 6 | 0.500 |
| 8 | 151209 | Peazzz in my pants | 28 | 5 | 0.417 |
| 9 | Embroidered shirt | 25 | 4 | 0.333 | |
| 10 | Trivial Triumvirate | 24 | 3 | 0.250 | |
| 11 | Your Mom | 22 | 2 | 0.167 | |
| 12 | Sudoku | 17 | 1 | 0.083 | |
| 13 | Embroidered shirts | 11 | 0 | 0.000 |
