The Glendale Tap
4227 San Fernando RdGlendale CA 91204
- PUB QUIZ—Wednesdays @ 7:30pm
The Glendale Tap
Glendale CA 91204
QUIZ RECAP
When Grindaneus, God Of Coffee, was in the last stages of Cosmic Truth Or Dare, a yearly event where all the gods float in a circle and truth or dare the hell out of each other for an entire year until the next Cosmic Truth Or Dare, Grind (to his friends) was challenged to a dare he had never though about before. “Oh, Grind?” said Lemonandea, Goddess Of Fruity Drinks, “I dare you to grind coffee beans with your mouth.” “You didn’t even say ‘Truth or Dare,’ said Grind. “Yeah, I know,“ said Lemon (to her friends), “I’d rather see you grind coffee beans with your mouth.” “Can you do that?” the other gods asked in perfect unison. (And I mean perfect; they said it at the exact same time.) “I mean,” said Grind, “I’ve never done it before, but if anyone can do it, I imagine I could.” And so, Grind’s bite radius finally revealed itself not only to those in attendance, but also to himself; he had no idea he could open his jaw to the tune of two light years wide. But open it that wide he did, as he poured some five thousand Earth-sized bags of Colombian Geisha beans into his gaping maw. Next, he just as quickly clamped his jaw shut and started to, yes, grind. But not with his teeth or jaw. No, no. Grind ground with his hips. Swerving and shaking and undulating from his pelvis and hind quarters, Grind used his god-given rolling techniques with his body to grind those beans in his mouth into some of the most expensive coffee ever brewed. Then, just as efficiently, he spat it into the mouths of his gob-smacked attendees. All the gods summarily tasted it, but one raised her hand and said: “Um, I prefer decaf.” Here’s the point: Grind’s feeling of being unappreciated is quite akin to how I feel when no one tips me for hosting trivia. Let’s talk.
The drinking round was a Sandler Off: whoever could do the best impression of Adam Sandler won. When In Ramen won it with the Hanukkah song and why not?
In third place tonight was Queen Bees with 76 points. In second place with 77 points was Win Place Show. And taking the night by one point was Rob’s Angeles with 78 points. Join us every Wednesday at the Glendale Tap for more King Trivia fun!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 134280 | Rob’s Angels | 78 | 11 | 1.000 |
| 2 | win, place, show | 77 | 10 | 0.909 | |
| 3 | 98077 | Queen Bees | 76 | 9 | 0.818 |
| 4 | Baby walks into a bar | 66 | 8 | 0.727 | |
| 5 | Head Shoulders Peas & Toes | 61 | 7 | 0.636 | |
| 6 | 157974 | East Bound & Downs Syndrome | 56 | 6 | 0.545 |
| 7 | 157981 | Glendale Grumps | 53 | 5 | 0.455 |
| 8 | 157984 | Boogie Down | 45 | 3 | 0.318 |
| 8 | Not Even Trying That Hard | 45 | 3 | 0.318 | |
| 10 | 157985 | Quizferatu | 41 | 2 | 0.182 |
| 11 | 131792 | When in Ramen | 31 | 1 | 0.091 |
| 12 | 157992 | Melons | 17 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Tallulah, Goddess Of Telepathy, ended her one o’clock mind reading show at the God Bowl (she did six shows a day: one, two-thirty, three-fifteen, four, five and six-fifteen), a loud klaxon sounded from the rafters above. “Be advised!” a booming voice intoned. “There is currently a swarm of peas converging on this area. Do take cover!” Tall (to her friends), not at all afraid of peas, said: “What have we to worry about a few peas?” She said this loud enough for the crowd to hear and they were all: “Um, you’re not from around here are you?” (They asked this in unison; all three hundred in perfect synchronization.) And in fact, Tall wasn’t from there. “What,” she asked, “are you peas a different breed than I’m used to.” And, just as she was finished scoffing, the above mentioned swarm made its appearance: the universe was blotted out (even more blotted out than it already is because space is dark as hell) by a veritable green cloud of giant peas. Like, one pea was the size of Pluto, but just because Pluto’s the smallest planet, that’s still a pretty large-ass size for a pea, right? Tall started to mouth off like the smart aleck she was until a little kid in the audience, anticipating her sarcasm, advised her: “Don’t! Say! Anything! They hate funny people!” Taking a kid’s advice was something Tall never thought she’d do, but do she did: she shut her mouth as approximately one thousand Pluto-sized peas swept over the crowd, the stage and the rest of the universe. It only took about five years fro them to completely pass and move on out of sight. When they were safely gone, Tall turned to the quiet crowd and asked: “So, who’s staying for the two-thirty show?” Here’s the point: This exact thing happened tonight at The Glendale Tap for King Trivia night. Let’s talk.
In honor of round two, tonight’s Drinking Round was a vampire-off: the team who could do the best impression of a vampire would win. Not Even Trying That Hard would take it with an impression of something the crowd liked a lot but completely baffled me. Free drinks!
In thiird place tonight with a score of 60 points was the aforementioned Not Even Trying That Hard. In second with 61 was Foxymoron. And dominating the night once again with 76 points was When In Ramen. Come back next Wednesday for more King Trivia fun at The Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 131792 | When in Ramen | 76 | 9 | 1.000 |
| 2 | Foxymoron | 61 | 8 | 0.889 | |
| 3 | Not Even Trying That Hard | 60 | 7 | 0.778 | |
| 4 | 157401 | El Salvadoordash | 56 | 6 | 0.667 |
| 5 | 157414 | Something about Katy Perry in space | 54 | 5 | 0.556 |
| 6 | 157421 | JD Vance's Couch | 53 | 4 | 0.444 |
| 7 | win, place, show | 51 | 3 | 0.333 | |
| 8 | 117730 | Points for Gryffindor | 41 | 2 | 0.222 |
| 9 | 157411 | Glendale Grumps | 30 | 1 | 0.111 |
| 10 | Crispin Lawson | 17 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Jackeus, God Of Tire Irons, changed the last of one million tires at The Great Tire Changing Contest, a yearly event in which all the gods who had tire-changing know-how (this number was one, by the way) competed for the first place prize of an all expenses paid trip to Saturn, he was ready to do a million more when he noticed the crowd had completely left. Sitting before him now was a veritable tribunal of judges who, unnoticed by Jack (to his friends), had all pulled up in their respective SUV’s. “Change these tires,” they collectively challenged him. Jack looked at their tires long enough to see they weren’t tires at all; the round devices that should’ve been tires were actually enormous universe-sized Saturn rings, each swirling at a million miles an hour. Without breaking a sweat, Jack conjured up a ring-swiping pipe that directly removed all four sets of rings and replaced them with four sets of new rings, but not from Saturn. Unbeknownst to the judges, Jack replaced their rings with those from Zeta II Reticuli, thus rendering their vehicles completely inert in about a thousand and one years, just a hair over their warranties. Here’s the point: There were no tires changed tonight at the Glendale Tap. Let’s talk.
Tonight’s Drinking Round was an Urkel-Off. Foxymoron took it by insulting the host and don’t tell anyone this but that will always work!
In third place tonight was Impish Pesterers with 75 points. In second with 83 points was Molotov Mocktails. And dominating the night with 95 (wow!) points was Rob’s Angels. Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 134280 | Rob’s Angels | 95 | 11 | 1.000 |
| 2 | 156844 | Molotov Mocktails | 83 | 10 | 0.909 |
| 3 | 156841 | impish pesterers | 75 | 9 | 0.818 |
| 4 | 131792 | When in Ramen | 68 | 8 | 0.727 |
| 5 | Live Laugh Love | 63 | 7 | 0.636 | |
| 6 | 67681 | Paw Patrol | 60 | 6 | 0.545 |
| 7 | 152714 | Speakeasy | 57 | 5 | 0.455 |
| 8 | 156833 | Nadia & The Nasty Boys | 50 | 4 | 0.364 |
| 9 | Foxymoron | 45 | 3 | 0.273 | |
| 10 | 156838 | Betty White Lotus | 41 | 2 | 0.182 |
| 11 | 156874 | Impish Pesters Pt. 2 | 7 | 1 | 0.091 |
| 12 | 156880 | May I make this team to read the questions since I cannot hear them well (sorry) | 0 | 0 | 0.000 |
