The Glendale Tap
4227 San Fernando RdGlendale CA 91204
- PUB QUIZ—Wednesdays @ 7:30pm
The Glendale Tap
Glendale CA 91204
QUIZ RECAP
When Masseusea, Goddess Of Massages, dug her cosmic digits into the latissimus dorci of Trapezius, God Of Back Muscles, she went through her mind ands scanned all the different ways she had to deliver the bad news to him. For it was apparent that what she felt, just below the trap muscle and above the teris major, was a small head. Like, literally. A small bald head was quite obviously protruding under Trap’s (to his friends) skin. “I’ve heard of kinks before, but this is ridiculous,” said Mass (to her fiends ) to herself. “Hey, that sounds personal,” answered Trap. Turns out, Mass had not just thought it, but actually said it. Out loud. “Trap, you have a little head here underneath your skin and it looks like it’s trying to say something. May I lance around the skin here?” asked Mass. Still thinking she was joking, Trap said: “Yeah, right, sure!” Taking this as permission to do so, Mass grabbed a long pin (one used in the One Millionth Annual Cockroach Jousting Contest from the week before) and pierced the area around the protuberance of the head. After a few uncomfortable moments, an even more uncomfortable moment presented itself when the small head in question presented itself by making eye contact with Trap in the mirror and saying: “This would never happen on trivia night Wednesdays at The Glendale Tap!” And you know what? That head was right. Let’s talk!
The Drinking Round was a Friends Off: Woke And Broke won because their team had two players! Free beers! All two of them!
In third place was I Am The Devil And Don’t You Forget It! with 45 points. In second was Foxymoron with 64 points. And dominating the night was Nine Inch Ales with 67 points! Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at The Glendale Tap
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 80852 | Nine Inch Ales | 67 | 5 | 1.000 |
| 2 | Foxymoron | 64 | 4 | 0.800 | |
| 3 | 129302 | I am the devil, and don’t you forget it | 45 | 3 | 0.600 |
| 4 | Jazzcats | 43 | 2 | 0.400 | |
| 5 | woke and broke | 30 | 1 | 0.200 | |
| 6 | Jazzcats | 15 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Haircuttia, Goddess Of Haircuts, gave the finishing touches on the tenth head of hair in her row (she was in the middle of a marathon session of cutting ten different heads of hair as fast as she could), she quickly ran back down to the first person and finished up there as well. This was by far the most challenging Coiff Off she’d ever done: ten different customers, ten different hairstyles to be done in under ten minutes. And, they were all gorgons. That’s right. All ten subjects were direct descendants of Medusa. Each with eye masks to shield Hair (to her friends) from their stone-making gazes, these gorgon subjects sat in relative patience, which is saying something since gorgons aren’t exactly known for their waiting skills. Speeding up and down the line, Hair cut, trimmed, faded, poofed, pushed, pulled and sculpted all ten heads of snakes to ten different shapes of coiffed brilliance. But she wasn’t done. Just as quickly, some would say even more quickly, Hair yanked each eye mask from each gorgon seated in front of the one large mirror in the salon. “So would do y’all think?” she asked the hissing heads as she herself averted her eyes and took cover behind a box of moisturizer. All ten gorgons, before even being able to say: “It’s too poofy,” caught glimpses of themselves in the one long mirror that stretched the length of the salon and literally turned to stone. Here’s the point: Something like this happened about four times last night at trivia. Let’s talk:
The Drinking Round was a Pee-Wee off: The best impression of Pee-Wee Herman would win free drinks. Congratulations to Live Laugh Love for Hermaning Germaning and Laughinging. Free drinks.
In third place was Not Even Trying That Hard with 54 points. In second place was Fantastic Beasts And Where To Fax Them with 57 points. And in a remarkable push during the sixth round, Foxymoron took the night with 61 points. Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | Foxymoron | 61 | 8 | 1.000 | |
| 2 | 143324 | Glendale Tap This!! | 59 | 7 | 0.875 |
| 3 | Fantastic Beasts and Where to Fuck Them | 57 | 6 | 0.750 | |
| 4 | Not Even Trying That Hard | 54 | 5 | 0.625 | |
| 5 | 161857 | Wouldn’t it be nice…if we won trivia | 53 | 4 | 0.500 |
| 6 | Live Laugh Love | 50 | 3 | 0.375 | |
| 7 | God Only Knows (The Answers) | 44 | 1 | 0.188 | |
| 7 | 98077 | Queen Bees | 44 | 1 | 0.188 |
| 9 | 161852 | Stormy | 30 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Hoppaneus, God Of Leapfrogging, and Jumpaneus, God Of Being Leaped Over, came down the last bend of the One Millionth Annual Godly Leapfrog Race, they knew they had just enough time for a smoke break. “Got a butt?” asked Hop (to his friends) as they both stopped the hop (the standard term for taking a break during a leapfrog race). Quickly going into his neck pocket (a small zippered pouch sewn into his turtleneck), Jump (to his friends) produced two large cigarettes and ignited them with a small lighter out of his glasses. “My biggest problem,” said Jump as he exhaled a plume of nicotine into the ether, “is…my name should we Leapaneus or something like that. My whole thing is that I get leapt over and that’s not what my name implies.” “Do you feel like you’re getting…looked over?” asked Hop who promptly cackled. “This isn’t funny,” said Jump. “But this is!” came the answer, but not from Hop. Another duo, Bouncaneus (Bounce to his friends) and Vaultaneus (Vault to his friends) bounded past them with much laughter and swiftness. “See that?” said Jump, “now we lose!” “But in this competition, aren’t we all losers?” answered Hop as, sure enough, first place went to the next quickest duo and then second went to the next duo because they were still smoking and still smoking by the time they limped across at tenth place. Here’s the point: Don’t smoke. Let’s talk:
The Drinking Round was a Jesus-Off. The best impression of Jesus would win free drinks for their team. As predicted, When In Ramen came in with an impression of the Jesus from “The Big Lebowski.” I knew someone would, and some one did! Free drinks!
In third place was When In Ramen with 54 points. In second place was In First Place With 100 Points with 57 points. And pulling off a comeback I don’t think I’ve ever seen before was Scott’s Tots Again with 62 points. I literally don’t know how they did it! I don’t believe in magic, but they must have because they won! Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at The Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | Scott’s tots again | 62 | 7 | 1.000 | |
| 2 | 161300 | In First Place With 100 Points | 57 | 6 | 0.857 |
| 3 | 131792 | When in Ramen | 54 | 5 | 0.714 |
| 4 | Foxymoron | 52 | 4 | 0.571 | |
| 5 | 143324 | Glendale Tap This!! | 49 | 3 | 0.429 |
| 6 | Not Even Trying That Hard | 39 | 2 | 0.286 | |
| 7 | Walter’s Mondales | 28 | 1 | 0.143 | |
| 8 | Boogie Down | 23 | 0 | 0.000 |
