QUIZ RECAP

When Wrenchereus, God Of Tools, reached for his Phillips-head screwdriver without looking (something he was wont to do, for everything he needed was always within thinking distance), a friendly foot pressed down on his hand and a voice boomed forth with: “That’s MY screwdriver!” Looking up, Wrench (to his friends) saw none other than the man himself. No, not Zeus. Someone better. Badder. It was Phillips. The guy the screwdriver was named after, Standing right there in his garage. “Please don’t say ‘Who are you?’” said Phillips. “I hate that one,” he added. Wrench stammered a bit and got out: “I definitely know who you are! You’re a god around here!” Phillips laughed and said: “It’s always weird when one god, who is verifiably a god, calls me a god.” “It must happen a lot,” said Wrench. Phillips laughed and said: “Yeah.” Phillips finally arrived at the reason for his visit. “I’ve got this convention every year—“ “You sure do!” interrupted Wrench.  “—and I need a giant screwdriver made. And I was wondering if you can do it.” “But the convention is today,” said Wrench. And in that moment, that sweat-filled, urgent moment, Wrench knew Phillips needed this giant screwdriver constructed this instant. Like, right now. “My only stipulation is that the screwdriver must be taller than Old Man Jimmy’s grain silo, which is two hundred and fifty feet.” “That’s a big screwdriver,” said Wrench. “Can you do it?” asked Phillips, still, by the way, with his foot on Wrench’s hand. It seemed very clear to Wrench that his answer’d better be yes. And so Wrench got started, but, since he was a god (and an oily ragged one at that) the two hundred and fifty-one-foot screwdriver was promptly erected on the site of the Phillips convention as guests streamed in, saw Wrench’s work and remarked: “That’s almost as big as the giant jackhammer.” With Old Man Jimmy’s grain silo just a quarter mile away, the convention was going off splendidly. “You went just one foot taller than the silo? Now that’s humor!” said Phillips to Wrench, as a burst of fire and lightening charged the air above. A bolt of death zapped Old Man Jimmy’s silo and brought it down in a tumbling heap. A huge “Hurrah!” from the crowd went up as quickly as the lightening came down and Wrench said: “What the hell happened?” Phillips explained: “The Zap Of Olphaneus will only destroy the second tallest structure at the Phillips Convention if the event falls on the second Saturday. Today is such a Saturday and, until your screwdriver, the second tallest structure here was Emily’s Double Layered Cookie Warehouse which, though, only standing at ten feet, is still the second tallest. We needed a distraction for Olph’s (to his friends) bolt and your screwdriver was the one to do it. Thank you for your service.” Old Man Jimmy rushed over to complain. “What about my silo?” he asked Phillips. “Go have a cookie,” suggested Phillips. And Old Man Jimmy, and the rest of the world, did just that. Emily sold out that day. Here’s the point: This exact thing happened at The Glendale Tap on Wednesday night. Let’s talk:

The Drinking Round was a Panda Off: the best impression of a panda would take the prize of free drinks for their table. The winner? Harry and Dobby for the most forlorn, introspective panda I’ve ever seen in public or private! Free drinks!

In third place, with a score of 43 points, was Matt Moscato, a team that simply must, every week, make their team name have something to do with my last name of Champagne. (I asked them to stop flirting me. They refuse.) In second place, with a score of 50 points was Sharcougherie. And taking the night once again was When In Ramen with 51 full American points. Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!