QUIZ RECAP

When Plummetous, God Of Gravity, executed a perfect double inverse waist spin with a slight counterclockwise head turn (toward the judges, natch) right into an active volcano at the two millionth annual God Dives Festival, he had already been long suspected of taking performance enhancing drugs. “I’m a god!” he defended. “Why the hell would I need to take drugs for anything?” This was a common refrain from gods who’d get accused of such offenses, but Plummetous’s joyful manner whenever he would emerge from the bubbling lava had spectators and judges alike very skeptical. “I will agree to a urine test!” he announced from on high. Plummetous started to relieve himself into a large cistern normally reserved for weddings, but, forgetting he was a god and not knowing his own strength, he accidentally started the Great Flood of Hylanjia as his liquid waste covered the entire kingdom for no less than three centuries. But once deluged, everyone could agree: “No, he’c clean. Give him first place.” Point is: Just because someone is consistently good at trivia doesn’t mean they’re cheating.  Let’s talk:

The Drinking Round was a Yoda Off. Somehow there were more people who wanted to do an impression of Yoda than there were teams. How’d that happen? (I don’t remember who won. I think it was…EVERYONE!)

In third place with 42 points was Forrest Not Gump. In second with 47 was P’s In A Pod. And winning again with five million points was Queen Bees! Do come back next week for more King Trivia Fun at the Glendale Tap! 

QUIZ RECAP

When Pamperius, God Of Babies, reached his twenty-first year, he still had the body of a six-month-old. That’s right. He never physically grew out of his six-month-old body, but had the mind and the charisma of a young adult man. So whenever anyone wanted to hang with Pamp (that’s what his friends [AKA babysitters] called him), they had to tend to his physical needs such as changing, bathing, feeding, and transport, but without all the verbal obligations one has to employ when spending time with an infant, such as saying “goo” and “gaa” and blowing wet raspberries. How many times in your life do you get to change a baby’s diaper whilst talking to it about the state of the prime interest rate or goat futures? Like, never, right? So when Pamp entered the Heavenly Baby Pageant he knew he was a sure win for the title. “Those other babies might have me beat on cuteness and fashion, but no way are they gonna win on the short answer and essay portions!” he exclaimed whilst having his butt wiped. “It’ll be a slaughter!” And a slaughter it was. None of the other babies could even formulate a thought when asked: “How would you help the drought situation in the Lower Estates?” Pamp cleaned up! Here’s the point: There was a six-month-old baby at The Glendale Tap last night and his name was Damian and he was good at trivia. Let’s talk.

The Drinking Round was called Who Can Do The Best Impression Of Damian? The winner? A twenty-nine-year-old woman saying “Gaa” whilst being carried by a man. Damian’s parents didn’t even try! Blasphemous!

In third place in trivia but first in the Drinking Round was We’re Just Guessin’ with 46 points. Taking second was Bear Down with 65 points. And destroying the night in much the same way Damian plans to destroy the world with the help of his father Satan was It’s All For You, Damian! with 75 points!

Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!

QUIZ RECAP

When Plosibis, God Of Garden Tools, pulled weeds with his mind, he’d sometimes accidentally pull those of his neighbors too. So not only would he have a clean yard after about ten seconds of mental weed pulling but also the gods on either side of him would enjoy a nice, well-tended garden without even asking for it. One day his next-door neighbor Lamanus, God Of Weeds, came over and was all: “Hey Plos. What’s up? Can you maybe cool it on my weeds this week? I gotta grow a big weed sculpture for my daughter’s quinceañera.” Lam went on to explain the piñata he had planned was not just a papier-mâché ox dangling from a noose, but a giant one that could move. One of his actor friends was gonna get inside it and run around and frighten the children. It was gonna be fun. He planned to have his overgrown weeds be carved into a maze for the kids and the ox to chase each other in. “Sounds fun,” said Plos, “but who’s sculpting your maze?” “Machete, God Of Knives,” answered Lam. “Oh, not Machete!” cried Plos. “He’ll kill everyone!” And it was there decided that Plos would wait for Lam’s weeds to grow a certain height and, with his mind, lop off only enough to make grass walls of the right height for Lam’s daughter’s quinceañera maze. Look, the point is this: No such mazes get built on Wednesdays at The Glendale Tap on King Trivia Night. Let’s talk:

Beyoncé was all over the quiz this week and so The Drinking Round was another Beyoncé Off. The winner was someone from The Hippy Dippity Pippity Hops who wasn’t fooling around. He wanted to win and his gravity alone clinched the victory. He likes singing Beyoncé and it showed.

In third place was Beer4Brains with 31 points. In second was The Hippy Dippity Pippity Hops with 58 points. And destroying the place was The Moops with 60 points! Come back next week and every Wednesday at 7:30 at the Glendale Tape for more King Trivia fun!