QUIZ RECAP

When Reveneres, God Of Twerking, gave what he intended to be his last dance lesson on the Lower Lilly Pad (because that’s where his classes had been demoted to in recent millennia), he was already accustomed to low turnouts and bad press but still bummed out about it. “All because of one extra rump shake two million years ago? People think I’m poisoning the minds of heaven’s children all because of one, little, barely noticeable posterior bounce that happened to be televised for all Gods everywhere to see? Because of that I’m labeled some kind of debauched wizard?” The small class before him, consisting of Rodyynia, Goddess of Rats, was sympathetic. “Don’t worry, Rev,” she cackled supportingly. “We like you!” And as she said this, four rats escaped from beneath her billowing sleeves and scampered for shelter under Rev’s large tunic. With a howl and a yelp that moved the clouds, Rev began an involuntary dance of disgust at the mere presence of the rats at his feet: His arms flailed, his hips shot side to side, and, most tellingly, his rear end jerked upward at a speed somewhere in the vicinity of Mach 5, faster and (let’s be honest) more eager than any rump shake ever attempted by any God anywhere. The cosmic camera, floating above, captured all of this and quickly beamed it to any and all Gods who existed. Soon, Rev’s reputation as the Old-But-New Bad Boy Of Dance Instructors was cemented into the heavens which began a new generation of students for Reveneres, ones who saw past the uptight judgements of Gods who had no rhythm to begin with and looked deeper into the spirit of Rev’s undeniable moves. Here’s the point: King Trivia at Glendale Tap Wednesday nights at 7:30 is just as revolutionary as this. Let’s talk:

The Drinking Round was Who Can Do The Best Bruce Willis? Someone from Robert & The Passengers came up and said: “I can’t fit in this air vent very well” or some other thing that Bruce Willis says in Die Hard and won! Is that all it took? Um, yes. Yes it was.

In third place with 31 points was Robert & The Passengers. In second with 34 points was KL Dawgs! And taking the win with 48 points was The Best Team. I mean, they better have won, right?

Join us every Wednesday night at 7:30 at the Glendale Tap for more King Trivia fun!

QUIZ RECAP

When Zevenerus, God Of Thumbtacks, lost his balance in the break room and dropped all the universe’s paper clips to the floor, the only sound heard was that of Gladerall, Goddess Of Cream, who brayed: “Uh-oh! Someone’s a klutz! Can I get you some coffee?” Her offering of warmth and caffeine had no effect on Zev for he was, unlike most Gods, on a caffeine-free diet. “You know I don’t like coffee,” he answered, “it tastes like a grownup drink.” Still, the matter of the paper clips needed immediate attention. Both Gods reckoned there were about a hundred of them spread out on the thin carpet floor and neither could remember the last time they bent down to pick up anything. “Bent down?” asked Glad. “God, I don’t think I’ve so much as lifted a finger since that time I lifted a finger to obliterate that farm a couple of centuries ago for taking my name in vein. And that was a literal lifting of my right index, to be exact. I swept it across their entire four acres and they were gone!” To demonstrate, she, right there in front of Zev, slid her index finger through the air and accidentally sent all the paper clips into the air. Like second nature, Zev summoned all thumbtacks in the office to swoop in to the break room and impale every last airborne paper clip to the walls around them. In a split second, all the previously spilled clips were affixed to the walls, as neatly as they used to be messy. “Unhook those for me, would you?” Zev asked Glad as he left the room. “All one hundred?” she asked. “Yyyyyyyup,” answered Zev from down the hall and into the next millennium. (He liked to make his exits interdimensional.) Here’s the point: When the gods give you lemons, don’t make lemonade because you know you gotta cut down on that sugar. Let’s talk.

Our three teams tonight were: Robert & The Passengers, The Cutthroat 3 and The Queen Bees. In third place, with a score of 31 points was Robert & The Passengers. In second, with a score of 45 points was Queen Bees. And taking the night were the scurvy knaves called The Cutthroat 3 with 48 points. Come back to the Glendale Tap every Wednesday night at 7:30 for more King Trivia fun!

QUIZ RECAP

When Repellanteres, God Of Giant Bug Spray, went to Lake Star Slam to go camping with his family, he forgot to bring extra mayonnaise for the sandwiches. So he called Homaxides, God Of Errands, to maybe schlep some over. “Schlep?” asked Homaxides? “Since when do you speak Yiddish?” Repellanteres said: “I just recently picked it up. I heard Backsonia, Goddess of Quads and Pectoral Muscles, say: ‘Again with the schmutz!’ and I had to start using it. So be a mensch and get over here!” So Homaxides threw a million years worth of mayo into his night train and trekked over to Lake Star Slam and said: “Again with the mayo!” Then he waited for Repellanteres to invite him to stay and when he didn’t, Homaxides got back on his night train and said: “I love my work!”  Look, the point is this: There were no questions about mayonnaise on King Trivia night at the Glendale Tap and that’s gotta change!

The Drinking Round was a Beyoncé Off: Whoever could do the best Beyoncé would win drinks for their team. And I guess Beyoncé only has one song because everyone did “Single Ladies” over and over. The winner went to Awkward because their player did the most cardio. I mean, she was out of breath, c’mon.

In third place tonight was Bear Down with 58 points. In second was Awkward with 60 points. And taking the night was Queen Bees with 63 points! Huh…aaah. Going us every Wednesday at 7:30 at the Glendale Tap for more King Trivia fun!