The Glendale Tap
4227 San Fernando RdGlendale CA 91204
- PUB QUIZ—Wednesdays @ 7:30pm
The Glendale Tap
Glendale CA 91204
QUIZ RECAP
When Periscopeus, God Of 360 Thinking, swiveled for the four hundred millionth time atop the Pole Of Highness somewhere near the Ninth Celestial Quadrant, a large neon banner of yellow, green, red and blue dropped form the freezing stars above, accompanied by a flood of black balloons (invisible against the darkness of the universe) and confetti (totally visible and easily mistaken for stars). The confetti fell to the earth (it had been cut from that new fangled weighted paper the kids were so into) and the balloons continued upward into the unknown of space. Peri (to his friends) stopped his swiveling for the first time in millennia and went agog at the display. “Agog,” he said. A recorded greeting emanated from a speaker attached to the banner by only velcro: “Congratulations, Peri! You have just completed your four hundred millionth rotation on the Pole Of Highness! How do you feel?” Peri started to respond with: “Well—“ when the voice continued on, not even waiting for an answer. “Great!” it said. “Is this a pre-recorded greeting?” asked Peri. “Yes,” the speaker responded. “But how can you be pre-recorded when you just answered my question?” asked Peri. “Can I finish?” said the speaker, who went on to explain that though Peri had done a truly great thing (rotating for a long time on his ass in the coldness of space), he wasn’t done yet. “This banner is to commemorate your halfway point! Congratulations!” “But I’m due back, I gotta go!” Peri said. “For what?” asked the speaker. “I have a lunch,” he answered. The speaker said: “Great! Here’s to another four hundred million!” And shut off. Peri called his buddy Roatatia, God Of Spinning Around, and said: “Rote (to his friends), I need a favor! How would you like to finish my swivel shift up here in space. I only got another four hundred million to go.” “I’ll be right up!” said Rote. Here’s the point: This kind of thing happened word for word at the Glendale Tap tonight. Let’s talk:
Help Us Please We’re Bleeding Oh God We’re Gonna Die! won the drinking round with a lively rendition of The Carlton from The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air. And the reason they won is because no one else wanted to play. Tense!
In third place tonight was When In Ramen with 56 points. And first and second went to a tie breaker about when Richard III died, thus making Rough Brains take second with 61 and Rob’s Angels taking first with 61 too. I love a tie breaker, as long it doesn’t also break my spirit. Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 134280 | Rob’s Angels | 61 | 8 | 0.944 |
| 1 | Rough brains 🧠 | 61 | 8 | 0.944 | |
| 3 | 131792 | When in Ramen | 56 | 7 | 0.778 |
| 4 | 113074 | Robert & The Passengers | 52 | 6 | 0.667 |
| 5 | help me help me please 2.0 | 49 | 4 | 0.500 | |
| 5 | Board Guys | 49 | 4 | 0.500 | |
| 7 | Cheese Knees | 41 | 3 | 0.333 | |
| 8 | Foxymoron | 35 | 2 | 0.222 | |
| 9 | 143324 | Glendale Tap This!! | 30 | 0 | 0.056 |
| 9 | 143321 | Poppin Bottles Off The Grid | 30 | 0 | 0.056 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Bonafideus, God Of Truth, failed his lie detector test, the Proctor, a guy called Tim who looked like a dirt clod perched on a busted roof, said: “You failed, Bonafeed (to his friends)! I gotta make some calls!” And Tim did: he called the district attorney, a couple of sheriffs, some other detectives and even the janitor who was just then going to lunch but even he just “had to hear this.” “Get over here now!” Tim announced and when they arrived (even the janitor), Tim went: “Okay, you guys know this is Bonafeed. He’s the God Of Truth. He never lies. He’s no criminal. Right? Well, get a load of this!” And he passed Bonafeed’s test score around to everyone. Gobsmacked, they passed it around (even the janitor) and couldn’t believe it. “The God Of Truth failed a lie detector test?” they said at the exact same time (it was weird). The members of law enforcement stared hard at Bonafeed and said: “Sir, why did you fail this lie detector test? What crime have you committed?” And Bonafeed said: “I’ll tell you where this test went south for me. He asked me: ‘Which newspaper sold the most units in 2023?’ and I said: ‘New York Post’ and that was wrong.” Yes, Bonafeeds had not lied. He just got a trivia question wrong. Everyone in that interrogation room groaned in disappointment, except the janitor, who said to Bonafeeds: “I still think you should be arrested.” Here’s the point: Stuff like this happens at pub trivia nights all the time! Let’s talk!
Tonight’s Drinking Round was a competition to see who can do the best impression of someone from some unpopular show called Game Of Thrones. Garbagetown won. They always wi.n It’s not fair.
In third place tonight with 52 points was Matt Prosecco. Just one dude named Matt. Weird. In second place with 57 points was Rob’s Angels. And taking the night wit 63 points was the aforementioned Garbagetown. Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 81511 | Garbagetown | 63 | 11 | 1.000 |
| 2 | Rob’s Angels | 57 | 10 | 0.909 | |
| 3 | Matt Prosecco | 52 | 9 | 0.818 | |
| 4 | PotaytoePotahtoe | 48 | 8 | 0.727 | |
| 5 | Qb | 40 | 7 | 0.636 | |
| 6 | Book Lovers Never Go To Bed Alone | 39 | 6 | 0.545 | |
| 7 | Boscoe | 36 | 5 | 0.455 | |
| 8 | 142917 | Legolas | 35 | 4 | 0.364 |
| 9 | Glendale Tap This!! | 30 | 3 | 0.273 | |
| 10 | Squeem Beeble 2 | 22 | 2 | 0.182 | |
| 11 | We dem boy | 21 | 1 | 0.091 | |
| 12 | Sugar & Spice | 22 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Geronimos, God Of Jumping Off High Things, was getting ready for his base jump show for the 450 Millionth Annual Base Jumping Convention (a shindig all gods were invited to), he was precariously perched on the edge of El Edgeford, the edgiest cliff in the clouds, when Hooperaneus, God Of Hoola Hoops, appeared before him and said: “Gerono (to his friends)! Can you give me a lift back down to earth? It seems my ego has gotten the best of me and I’m stuck up here.” Gerono grabbed Hoop (to his friends), wrapped his arms tight around him and jumped from the base. They then plummeted right back down to earth, where they were set upon by earthly border control agents, the worst kind. “Papers, please,” they said to the gods. “Uh, we’re gods,” Gerono and Hoop said at the exact same time. It was so precisely at the exact same time that the agents became even more suspicious. “We really need to see your identifications now,” the agents responded, also in stereo. But instead of showing any sort of documents (both gods admittedly forgot them at home), Gerono and Hoop burrowed into the minds of both agents and showed them microscopic film footage of the exact moments of their conceptions: from sperm cell, to ovum, to birth. This was more the the two agents could handle so they turned and ran, letting the gods go. “I didn’t know I could do that!” they both said at , again, the same time. Here’s the point: Something like this absolutely happened at The Glendale Tap tonight. Let’s talk.
The Drinking Round was won by a guy doing an impression of George Takei saying: "Oh my." Nothing else to say.
In third place was Ontario China with 50 points. In second, Anything But Last wasn't first with 52. And taking the night was Dingleberry Farms with 61 points! Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | Dingleberry Farms | 61 | 8 | 1.000 | |
| 2 | Anything but last | 52 | 7 | 0.875 | |
| 3 | Ontario China | 50 | 6 | 0.750 | |
| 4 | When in Ramen | 48 | 5 | 0.625 | |
| 5 | 142646 | Hide yo cats hide yo dogs | 42 | 4 | 0.500 |
| 6 | 98077 | Queen Bees | 27 | 3 | 0.375 |
| 7 | Foxymoron | 26 | 2 | 0.250 | |
| 8 | Juicy Jeff’s | 24 | 1 | 0.125 | |
| 9 | Baby walked into a bar | 19 | 0 | 0.000 |
