The Glendale Tap
4227 San Fernando RdGlendale CA 91204
- PUB QUIZ—Wednesdays @ 7:30pm
The Glendale Tap
Glendale CA 91204
QUIZ RECAP
When Bonafideus, God Of Truth, failed his lie detector test, the Proctor, a guy called Tim who looked like a dirt clod perched on a busted roof, said: “You failed, Bonafeed (to his friends)! I gotta make some calls!” And Tim did: he called the district attorney, a couple of sheriffs, some other detectives and even the janitor who was just then going to lunch but even he just “had to hear this.” “Get over here now!” Tim announced and when they arrived (even the janitor), Tim went: “Okay, you guys know this is Bonafeed. He’s the God Of Truth. He never lies. He’s no criminal. Right? Well, get a load of this!” And he passed Bonafeed’s test score around to everyone. Gobsmacked, they passed it around (even the janitor) and couldn’t believe it. “The God Of Truth failed a lie detector test?” they said at the exact same time (it was weird). The members of law enforcement stared hard at Bonafeed and said: “Sir, why did you fail this lie detector test? What crime have you committed?” And Bonafeed said: “I’ll tell you where this test went south for me. He asked me: ‘Which newspaper sold the most units in 2023?’ and I said: ‘New York Post’ and that was wrong.” Yes, Bonafeeds had not lied. He just got a trivia question wrong. Everyone in that interrogation room groaned in disappointment, except the janitor, who said to Bonafeeds: “I still think you should be arrested.” Here’s the point: Stuff like this happens at pub trivia nights all the time! Let’s talk!
Tonight’s Drinking Round was a competition to see who can do the best impression of someone from some unpopular show called Game Of Thrones. Garbagetown won. They always wi.n It’s not fair.
In third place tonight with 52 points was Matt Prosecco. Just one dude named Matt. Weird. In second place with 57 points was Rob’s Angels. And taking the night wit 63 points was the aforementioned Garbagetown. Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 81511 | Garbagetown | 63 | 11 | 1.000 |
| 2 | Rob’s Angels | 57 | 10 | 0.909 | |
| 3 | Matt Prosecco | 52 | 9 | 0.818 | |
| 4 | PotaytoePotahtoe | 48 | 8 | 0.727 | |
| 5 | Qb | 40 | 7 | 0.636 | |
| 6 | Book Lovers Never Go To Bed Alone | 39 | 6 | 0.545 | |
| 7 | Boscoe | 36 | 5 | 0.455 | |
| 8 | 142917 | Legolas | 35 | 4 | 0.364 |
| 9 | Glendale Tap This!! | 30 | 3 | 0.273 | |
| 10 | Squeem Beeble 2 | 22 | 2 | 0.182 | |
| 11 | We dem boy | 21 | 1 | 0.091 | |
| 12 | Sugar & Spice | 22 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Geronimos, God Of Jumping Off High Things, was getting ready for his base jump show for the 450 Millionth Annual Base Jumping Convention (a shindig all gods were invited to), he was precariously perched on the edge of El Edgeford, the edgiest cliff in the clouds, when Hooperaneus, God Of Hoola Hoops, appeared before him and said: “Gerono (to his friends)! Can you give me a lift back down to earth? It seems my ego has gotten the best of me and I’m stuck up here.” Gerono grabbed Hoop (to his friends), wrapped his arms tight around him and jumped from the base. They then plummeted right back down to earth, where they were set upon by earthly border control agents, the worst kind. “Papers, please,” they said to the gods. “Uh, we’re gods,” Gerono and Hoop said at the exact same time. It was so precisely at the exact same time that the agents became even more suspicious. “We really need to see your identifications now,” the agents responded, also in stereo. But instead of showing any sort of documents (both gods admittedly forgot them at home), Gerono and Hoop burrowed into the minds of both agents and showed them microscopic film footage of the exact moments of their conceptions: from sperm cell, to ovum, to birth. This was more the the two agents could handle so they turned and ran, letting the gods go. “I didn’t know I could do that!” they both said at , again, the same time. Here’s the point: Something like this absolutely happened at The Glendale Tap tonight. Let’s talk.
The Drinking Round was won by a guy doing an impression of George Takei saying: "Oh my." Nothing else to say.
In third place was Ontario China with 50 points. In second, Anything But Last wasn't first with 52. And taking the night was Dingleberry Farms with 61 points! Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | Dingleberry Farms | 61 | 8 | 1.000 | |
| 2 | Anything but last | 52 | 7 | 0.875 | |
| 3 | Ontario China | 50 | 6 | 0.750 | |
| 4 | When in Ramen | 48 | 5 | 0.625 | |
| 5 | 142646 | Hide yo cats hide yo dogs | 42 | 4 | 0.500 |
| 6 | 98077 | Queen Bees | 27 | 3 | 0.375 |
| 7 | Foxymoron | 26 | 2 | 0.250 | |
| 8 | Juicy Jeff’s | 24 | 1 | 0.125 | |
| 9 | Baby walked into a bar | 19 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Hempaneus, God Of Pot, looked up from his squatted position to find Buckaneus, God Of Rodeos, standing before him, he knew it was time to put the hoe down and go to a hoedown, KNOW’M SAYN’? Before he could put on his pants, Hemp (to his friends) and Buck (to his friends) warped to Cloud Ranch for the One Millionth Annual Hoedown Of The Gods, a robust affair offering the best in godlike competitions, such as: The Cosmic Dunk Tank, which featured a frightened demon perched on the dunk bench dangling precariously above not a vat of water but rather an infinite drop into literal outer space as god after god chucked stars and moons at the target to hopefully send him into the abyss; The Armor Sack Race, which boasted pairs of gods each with one leg out of and one leg in huge metallic bags of metal, limp-racing down a million mile path…and then back; and the Bogging For Planets Contest, in which gods stuck their universe-sized heads into a large cistern of moons from alpha centauri and try to come up with as many in their mouths as possible. Upon arriving, the crowd went silent as Hemp and Buck sauntered to the fried dough booth and carbed up before their attempt at Mountain Hurling. This sounds like a contest of who can throw a mountain the farthest, but no! It’s a contest to see who can barf a mountain the farthest. Contestants had to quickly eat a mountain, and then projectile vomit that mountain across the universe for points. And Buck and Hemp knew nothing would induce vomiting better than three or four bites of Carberea’s (Carb to her fiends) fried dough. Minutes later, all doughed up, Hemp and Buck tucked into an alp and a volcano respectively and chewed til their infinite stomachs made pre-launch noises. Then, like cannons from Zeus’s party bus, they both hurled their not-yet-digested mountains into the air, the sky, the universe, where both land masses immediately fused together into one big asteroid and plummeted right back down onto the Hoedown, blowing everyone to bits except Hemp and Buck who knew what was going to happen and warped back to Hemp’s garden. “Looks like we won’t have to do that again,” they both said at the same time. Here’s the point: Something like this kinda happened at The Glendale Tap on King Trivia night when the first place team scored what they scored. Let’s talk:
The Drinking Round was gonna be a competition to see who could do the best impression of James Bond, but there was a baby in the bar and instead it became a baby off. The two-player team Double Crocs took the win by burping each other. And wearing crocs. Free beers.
In third place with a score of 52 points was the aforementioned Double Crocs. In second with 58 was Rob’s Angels. And destroying the night with 75,000 points was Post Pink! Come back next week for more King Trivia fun (and maybe another baby) at The Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | Post Pink | 75 | 10 | 1.000 | |
| 2 | 134816 | Rob’s Angels | 58 | 9 | 0.900 |
| 3 | Double Crocs | 52 | 8 | 0.800 | |
| 4 | Ontario China | 43 | 7 | 0.700 | |
| 5 | Puff Puff Pass (we have asthma) | 41 | 6 | 0.600 | |
| 6 | Glendale Tap This!! | 38 | 4 | 0.450 | |
| 6 | Impenetrable buttholes | 38 | 4 | 0.450 | |
| 8 | Jazz Cats | 34 | 3 | 0.300 | |
| 9 | bussy boiz | 24 | 2 | 0.200 | |
| 10 | I have to go pee | 11 | 1 | 0.100 | |
| 11 | SeeDrops | 8 | 0 | 0.000 |
