QUIZ RECAP

When Pamperius, God Of Babies, reached his twenty-first year, he still had the body of a six-month-old. That’s right. He never physically grew out of his six-month-old body, but had the mind and the charisma of a young adult man. So whenever anyone wanted to hang with Pamp (that’s what his friends [AKA babysitters] called him), they had to tend to his physical needs such as changing, bathing, feeding, and transport, but without all the verbal obligations one has to employ when spending time with an infant, such as saying “goo” and “gaa” and blowing wet raspberries. How many times in your life do you get to change a baby’s diaper whilst talking to it about the state of the prime interest rate or goat futures? Like, never, right? So when Pamp entered the Heavenly Baby Pageant he knew he was a sure win for the title. “Those other babies might have me beat on cuteness and fashion, but no way are they gonna win on the short answer and essay portions!” he exclaimed whilst having his butt wiped. “It’ll be a slaughter!” And a slaughter it was. None of the other babies could even formulate a thought when asked: “How would you help the drought situation in the Lower Estates?” Pamp cleaned up! Here’s the point: There was a six-month-old baby at The Glendale Tap last night and his name was Damian and he was good at trivia. Let’s talk.

The Drinking Round was called Who Can Do The Best Impression Of Damian? The winner? A twenty-nine-year-old woman saying “Gaa” whilst being carried by a man. Damian’s parents didn’t even try! Blasphemous!

In third place in trivia but first in the Drinking Round was We’re Just Guessin’ with 46 points. Taking second was Bear Down with 65 points. And destroying the night in much the same way Damian plans to destroy the world with the help of his father Satan was It’s All For You, Damian! with 75 points!

Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!

QUIZ RECAP

When Plosibis, God Of Garden Tools, pulled weeds with his mind, he’d sometimes accidentally pull those of his neighbors too. So not only would he have a clean yard after about ten seconds of mental weed pulling but also the gods on either side of him would enjoy a nice, well-tended garden without even asking for it. One day his next-door neighbor Lamanus, God Of Weeds, came over and was all: “Hey Plos. What’s up? Can you maybe cool it on my weeds this week? I gotta grow a big weed sculpture for my daughter’s quinceañera.” Lam went on to explain the piñata he had planned was not just a papier-mâché ox dangling from a noose, but a giant one that could move. One of his actor friends was gonna get inside it and run around and frighten the children. It was gonna be fun. He planned to have his overgrown weeds be carved into a maze for the kids and the ox to chase each other in. “Sounds fun,” said Plos, “but who’s sculpting your maze?” “Machete, God Of Knives,” answered Lam. “Oh, not Machete!” cried Plos. “He’ll kill everyone!” And it was there decided that Plos would wait for Lam’s weeds to grow a certain height and, with his mind, lop off only enough to make grass walls of the right height for Lam’s daughter’s quinceañera maze. Look, the point is this: No such mazes get built on Wednesdays at The Glendale Tap on King Trivia Night. Let’s talk:

Beyoncé was all over the quiz this week and so The Drinking Round was another Beyoncé Off. The winner was someone from The Hippy Dippity Pippity Hops who wasn’t fooling around. He wanted to win and his gravity alone clinched the victory. He likes singing Beyoncé and it showed.

In third place was Beer4Brains with 31 points. In second was The Hippy Dippity Pippity Hops with 58 points. And destroying the place was The Moops with 60 points! Come back next week and every Wednesday at 7:30 at the Glendale Tape for more King Trivia fun!

QUIZ RECAP

When Reveneres, God Of Twerking, gave what he intended to be his last dance lesson on the Lower Lilly Pad (because that’s where his classes had been demoted to in recent millennia), he was already accustomed to low turnouts and bad press but still bummed out about it. “All because of one extra rump shake two million years ago? People think I’m poisoning the minds of heaven’s children all because of one, little, barely noticeable posterior bounce that happened to be televised for all Gods everywhere to see? Because of that I’m labeled some kind of debauched wizard?” The small class before him, consisting of Rodyynia, Goddess of Rats, was sympathetic. “Don’t worry, Rev,” she cackled supportingly. “We like you!” And as she said this, four rats escaped from beneath her billowing sleeves and scampered for shelter under Rev’s large tunic. With a howl and a yelp that moved the clouds, Rev began an involuntary dance of disgust at the mere presence of the rats at his feet: His arms flailed, his hips shot side to side, and, most tellingly, his rear end jerked upward at a speed somewhere in the vicinity of Mach 5, faster and (let’s be honest) more eager than any rump shake ever attempted by any God anywhere. The cosmic camera, floating above, captured all of this and quickly beamed it to any and all Gods who existed. Soon, Rev’s reputation as the Old-But-New Bad Boy Of Dance Instructors was cemented into the heavens which began a new generation of students for Reveneres, ones who saw past the uptight judgements of Gods who had no rhythm to begin with and looked deeper into the spirit of Rev’s undeniable moves. Here’s the point: King Trivia at Glendale Tap Wednesday nights at 7:30 is just as revolutionary as this. Let’s talk:

The Drinking Round was Who Can Do The Best Bruce Willis? Someone from Robert & The Passengers came up and said: “I can’t fit in this air vent very well” or some other thing that Bruce Willis says in Die Hard and won! Is that all it took? Um, yes. Yes it was.

In third place with 31 points was Robert & The Passengers. In second with 34 points was KL Dawgs! And taking the win with 48 points was The Best Team. I mean, they better have won, right?

Join us every Wednesday night at 7:30 at the Glendale Tap for more King Trivia fun!