The Glendale Tap
4227 San Fernando RdGlendale CA 91204
- PUB QUIZ—Wednesdays @ 7:30pm
The Glendale Tap
Glendale CA 91204
QUIZ RECAP
When Floriderus, God Of Toothpaste, took a good look at the giant incisors of the Gromboxula, the fabled but also very real creature from the Fourth Quadrant of Hijaxia that currently bore down on him with quickening hunger, he declared: “Wow, dude! You gotta floss!” Grom (to his friends) immediately stopped his attack, covered his mouth in shame, and said: “Hey, easy, man. Not in front of al these people.” Watching from cliffs dotted with tents, hot stoves and RV’s, sure enough, was a crowd of about a thousand fools cheering for neither participant in this melee; their excitement was brought upon by the mere fact that there even was a fight. “I think they want us both to lose,” said Grom to Flo (to his friends). “I just want you to floss,” said Flo. Here’s the point: This scene played out exactly in that manner at the Glendale Tap tonight. Let’s talk.
I barely know who Moo Deng is, but a guy on a team by himself (Solo Gig) came up and did what he said was an impression of a pygmy hippo and I guess he did it right because he won. Free beer!
In third place tonight was the aforementioned Solo Gig with 51 points. With 52 points was Queen Bees. And taking the night was Rob’s Angels with 53 points. Come back next week for another King Trivia night at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 134816 | Rob’s Angels | 53 | 9 | 1.000 |
| 2 | 98077 | Queen Bees | 52 | 8 | 0.889 |
| 3 | 35430 | Solo Gig | 51 | 7 | 0.778 |
| 4 | 143324 | Glendale Tap This!! | 48 | 6 | 0.667 |
| 5 | 144185 | Champagne Taste Beer Budget | 46 | 5 | 0.556 |
| 6 | 91807 | Rectum Pistol | 44 | 4 | 0.444 |
| 7 | Matt Sparkling Wine | 39 | 3 | 0.333 | |
| 8 | 107470 | 10 Points For Gryffindor | 31 | 2 | 0.222 |
| 9 | 144181 | Brighton Beach | 29 | 1 | 0.111 |
| 10 | The Beefalos | 26 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Printereus, God Of Paper Jams, was called for the one millionth time to fix a problem with the printer on floor 102, he thought: “I just fixed that one. What, is there a God Of Breaking Printers in the building that I don’t know about?” But after teleporting all the way back up to 102 and getting a “You again?” from Shermer the security guard, Print (to his friends) saw that the printer in question was not broken but, as he suspected, sabotaged. “Someone’s doing this on purpose,” he said. He hoisted himself up onto the nearest cubicle and announced to all workers present: “Who is purposely breaking this printer?” And then, rising into the air from behind her cubicle (which was always meticulously decorated with neon tube socks pinned to the walls, pipe cleaners doused in highlighter yellow and leafy plants covered in snails) was Tonerania, Goddess Of Ink Jets. “Is this how you want me to confess my crush on you, Print?” she announced on high. “Announce?” said the entire one hundred and second floor. “Like we didn’t know?” Tone (to her few friends) bellowed: “SILENCE!” In response, everyone started dancing to Jamiroquai. During this joyous uproar, Print went up to Shermer and said: “I’m actually the God Of Fixing Paper Jams, but that doesn’t fit on my honorary mug.” “Thanks for the clarification,” said Shermer as Print bolted around the corner. “Tell her I left,” he said to Shermer because he knew Tone was right on his tail. “Why don’t you teleport back down to the street then?” asked Shermer. “Gotta get some snacks,” answered Print, and he was gone. Here’s the point: Wednesday nights at the Glendale Tap are printer-free. Let’s talk!
The Drinking Round tonight was a Boston Off: one player from each team came up and did an impression of someone e from Boston. I don’t know which movie the guy from Ontario China was doing a speech from, but I’m always surprised when something during the Drinking Round makes me feels things. Weird.
In third place tonight with a score of 43 points was Oxymoron. In second place with a score of 53 points was Queen Bees. And taking the night was Ontario China with 64 points. Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at The Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | Ontario China | 64 | 4 | 1.000 | |
| 2 | 98077 | Queen Bees | 53 | 3 | 0.750 |
| 3 | Foxymoron | 43 | 2 | 0.500 | |
| 4 | Quiztopher Walken | 32 | 1 | 0.250 | |
| 5 | 143324 | Glendale Tap This!! | 23 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Periscopeus, God Of 360 Thinking, swiveled for the four hundred millionth time atop the Pole Of Highness somewhere near the Ninth Celestial Quadrant, a large neon banner of yellow, green, red and blue dropped form the freezing stars above, accompanied by a flood of black balloons (invisible against the darkness of the universe) and confetti (totally visible and easily mistaken for stars). The confetti fell to the earth (it had been cut from that new fangled weighted paper the kids were so into) and the balloons continued upward into the unknown of space. Peri (to his friends) stopped his swiveling for the first time in millennia and went agog at the display. “Agog,” he said. A recorded greeting emanated from a speaker attached to the banner by only velcro: “Congratulations, Peri! You have just completed your four hundred millionth rotation on the Pole Of Highness! How do you feel?” Peri started to respond with: “Well—“ when the voice continued on, not even waiting for an answer. “Great!” it said. “Is this a pre-recorded greeting?” asked Peri. “Yes,” the speaker responded. “But how can you be pre-recorded when you just answered my question?” asked Peri. “Can I finish?” said the speaker, who went on to explain that though Peri had done a truly great thing (rotating for a long time on his ass in the coldness of space), he wasn’t done yet. “This banner is to commemorate your halfway point! Congratulations!” “But I’m due back, I gotta go!” Peri said. “For what?” asked the speaker. “I have a lunch,” he answered. The speaker said: “Great! Here’s to another four hundred million!” And shut off. Peri called his buddy Roatatia, God Of Spinning Around, and said: “Rote (to his friends), I need a favor! How would you like to finish my swivel shift up here in space. I only got another four hundred million to go.” “I’ll be right up!” said Rote. Here’s the point: This kind of thing happened word for word at the Glendale Tap tonight. Let’s talk:
Help Us Please We’re Bleeding Oh God We’re Gonna Die! won the drinking round with a lively rendition of The Carlton from The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air. And the reason they won is because no one else wanted to play. Tense!
In third place tonight was When In Ramen with 56 points. And first and second went to a tie breaker about when Richard III died, thus making Rough Brains take second with 61 and Rob’s Angels taking first with 61 too. I love a tie breaker, as long it doesn’t also break my spirit. Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 134280 | Rob’s Angels | 61 | 8 | 0.944 |
| 1 | Rough brains 🧠 | 61 | 8 | 0.944 | |
| 3 | 131792 | When in Ramen | 56 | 7 | 0.778 |
| 4 | 113074 | Robert & The Passengers | 52 | 6 | 0.667 |
| 5 | help me help me please 2.0 | 49 | 4 | 0.500 | |
| 5 | Board Guys | 49 | 4 | 0.500 | |
| 7 | Cheese Knees | 41 | 3 | 0.333 | |
| 8 | Foxymoron | 35 | 2 | 0.222 | |
| 9 | 143324 | Glendale Tap This!! | 30 | 0 | 0.056 |
| 9 | 143321 | Poppin Bottles Off The Grid | 30 | 0 | 0.056 |
