The Glendale Tap
4227 San Fernando RdGlendale CA 91204
- PUB QUIZ—Wednesdays @ 7:30pm
The Glendale Tap
Glendale CA 91204
QUIZ RECAP
When Banquette, Goddess Of Bank Shots, was running the table for the fifth consecutive millennium at the Five Hundred Millionth Annual Godly Billiard Tournament, her opponent was not only asleep but had been for centuries. She would not give him an opportunity to take a turn. Banq (to her friends) was shooting shot after shot into rail after rail: she shot an inverted isosceles into the third rail; she shot a reverse robotica into the first; she shot a prolapsed bicuspid into the main rack, all within about a hundred years of one another. Her cosmic running of the table had rendered her foe Hederon (Hed, to his friends), God Of Headlines, into near-eternal slumber. “When do I finally win?” Banq asked the heavens. “When the ink on the Stone Tablet Of Gorganephil is finally dry,” a voice boomed back. After a brief pause, it added: “Okay, it’s dry.” At which point, the pool table Banq had been playing on opened perfectly down the middle, parted to the left and right revealing a large silo underneath. Inside, a majestic one-seater rocket with triple turbo boost (you know the type) awaited her captainship. She quickly got in, took off upwards and it wasn’t until she had reached three G’s until she realized she was towing a large banner that read: “JOIN EVERY MILLENNIUM FOR THE GODLY BILLIARD TOURNEY!” This whole time, she had just been an ad. Here’s the point: The Glendale Tap on Wednesday nights is exactly this kind of vibe. Let’s talk:
With Mother’s Day fast approaching, the Drinking Round was a Mom Off: one person from each team got up and did the best impression of their mom. Team Xtreme took it with a rendition of a mom eating donuts in a parking lot. I mean, how couldn’t you win?
In third place tonight with 41 points was Oh Oh Um Ahhh. In second with 43 was Foxymoron. And taking the night with 49 was Boogie Down! Join us every Wednesday night at 7:30 for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | Boogie Down | 49 | 10 | 1.000 | |
| 2 | Foxymoron | 43 | 9 | 0.900 | |
| 3 | 159084 | Oh oh um ahhh | 41 | 8 | 0.800 |
| 4 | Team Xtreme | 37 | 7 | 0.700 | |
| 5 | 98077 | Queen Bees | 36 | 6 | 0.600 |
| 6 | Geralt of Trivia | 27 | 5 | 0.500 | |
| 7 | 76213 | Moose and squirrel | 25 | 4 | 0.400 |
| 8 | win, place, show | 24 | 3 | 0.300 | |
| 9 | 129302 | I am the devil, and don’t you forget it | 23 | 2 | 0.200 |
| 10 | 152019 | The Violent Virgos | 22 | 1 | 0.100 |
| 11 | 159087 | Sweaty Cop | 21 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Runneria, Goddess of Sprinting, leapt her last lump (a particularly obstructive bump in the dirt road before her, deposited there by the Cosmic Hurdle Society the night before), she was ready to accept her Leggy, a rusty trophy depicting a large brown ostrich bounding through the air. But instead, a voice from on high boomed down at her with: “Not so fast, Runny (to her friends)!” “But doing things fast is what I’m about!” she answered. “We would like you to run one more race! And that is the race…of the bag!” To her left was a large wool sack. “You think I’ve never done a sack race before?” she laughed. “With the sack…over your head?” the voice boomed. Runny put the sack over her head and it was only then that the Voice realized that her legs were still free to run fast and run fast they did. “Yeah, I didn’t think about that,” said the Voice. Here’s the point: Know your opponent’s handicaps. Let’s talk:
The Drinking Round tonight was a Sesame Off: the best impression of any character from Sesame Street would win free drinks. Everyone did the Count. Everyone won.
There was a tie for second place tonight. The winner of the tie breaker was Baby Fish Mouth by only being three hundred and fifty million oil barrels off the correct answer. So: in third place was Queen Bees with 43 points. In second with 43 was Baby Fish Mouth. And destroying the night with 44 points was Foxymoron. Come back every Wednesday at 7:30 for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 91998 | Baby Fish Mouth | 43 | 6 | 1.000 |
| 2 | Foxymoron | 44 | 5 | 0.833 | |
| 3 | 98077 | Queen Bees | 43 | 4 | 0.667 |
| 4 | 158514 | The Rain in Spain Stays Mainly on Champagne | 39 | 3 | 0.500 |
| 5 | 158524 | Scary Strangers | 34 | 2 | 0.333 |
| 6 | 158521 | A$AP PAPERY SCISSORY | 27 | 1 | 0.167 |
| 7 | chicken jockey | 23 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Grindaneus, God Of Coffee, was in the last stages of Cosmic Truth Or Dare, a yearly event where all the gods float in a circle and truth or dare the hell out of each other for an entire year until the next Cosmic Truth Or Dare, Grind (to his friends) was challenged to a dare he had never though about before. “Oh, Grind?” said Lemonandea, Goddess Of Fruity Drinks, “I dare you to grind coffee beans with your mouth.” “You didn’t even say ‘Truth or Dare,’ said Grind. “Yeah, I know,“ said Lemon (to her friends), “I’d rather see you grind coffee beans with your mouth.” “Can you do that?” the other gods asked in perfect unison. (And I mean perfect; they said it at the exact same time.) “I mean,” said Grind, “I’ve never done it before, but if anyone can do it, I imagine I could.” And so, Grind’s bite radius finally revealed itself not only to those in attendance, but also to himself; he had no idea he could open his jaw to the tune of two light years wide. But open it that wide he did, as he poured some five thousand Earth-sized bags of Colombian Geisha beans into his gaping maw. Next, he just as quickly clamped his jaw shut and started to, yes, grind. But not with his teeth or jaw. No, no. Grind ground with his hips. Swerving and shaking and undulating from his pelvis and hind quarters, Grind used his god-given rolling techniques with his body to grind those beans in his mouth into some of the most expensive coffee ever brewed. Then, just as efficiently, he spat it into the mouths of his gob-smacked attendees. All the gods summarily tasted it, but one raised her hand and said: “Um, I prefer decaf.” Here’s the point: Grind’s feeling of being unappreciated is quite akin to how I feel when no one tips me for hosting trivia. Let’s talk.
The drinking round was a Sandler Off: whoever could do the best impression of Adam Sandler won. When In Ramen won it with the Hanukkah song and why not?
In third place tonight was Queen Bees with 76 points. In second place with 77 points was Win Place Show. And taking the night by one point was Rob’s Angeles with 78 points. Join us every Wednesday at the Glendale Tap for more King Trivia fun!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 134280 | Rob’s Angels | 78 | 11 | 1.000 |
| 2 | win, place, show | 77 | 10 | 0.909 | |
| 3 | 98077 | Queen Bees | 76 | 9 | 0.818 |
| 4 | Baby walks into a bar | 66 | 8 | 0.727 | |
| 5 | Head Shoulders Peas & Toes | 61 | 7 | 0.636 | |
| 6 | 157974 | East Bound & Downs Syndrome | 56 | 6 | 0.545 |
| 7 | 157981 | Glendale Grumps | 53 | 5 | 0.455 |
| 8 | 157984 | Boogie Down | 45 | 3 | 0.318 |
| 8 | Not Even Trying That Hard | 45 | 3 | 0.318 | |
| 10 | 157985 | Quizferatu | 41 | 2 | 0.182 |
| 11 | 131792 | When in Ramen | 31 | 1 | 0.091 |
| 12 | 157992 | Melons | 17 | 0 | 0.000 |
