The Glendale Tap
4227 San Fernando RdGlendale CA 91204
- PUB QUIZ—Wednesdays @ 7:30pm
The Glendale Tap
Glendale CA 91204
QUIZ RECAP
When Ventraneus, God Of Air Ducts, rerouted his last shaft for the night, he thought for sure he’d have the rest of the night off. “Hey, Vent (to his friends)!” said a voice directly behind him. There, crouched with him in the third juncture, was Heliumerus, God Of Balloons. Before Heli (to his friends) could even say word one, Vent said: “Lemme guess! You need me for a child’s birthday party.” And Heli was all: “How did you know?” and Vent was like: “I’m the God Of Air Ducts and you are the God Of Putting Things Off Until The Last Minute.” Within seconds, Vent and Heli were at a birthday party in a park where 2 million kids stood in numb silence, each holding one deflated balloon, looking up at the sky, waiting for something to happen. “All they need is the air, man,” said Heli to Vent. “You’re the God Of Helium!” said Vent, “why aren’t you ready for this?” and Heli was like: “I was too busy at the talent show. The old ladies of the BINGO committee wanted to do a rendition of “Short People Got No Reason To Live” as chipmunks and they used all my helium.” Within seconds, Vent blew about two million cubic feet of helium into all 2 millions kids’ balloons. As each kid started to silently rise into the air, high above the park, high above the earth, Heli said to Vent: “One balloon should only have .5 cubic meters of helium.” “I’m the God Of Air Ducts, man, not helium” Here’s the point: This exact scene played out last night at the Glendale Tap on King Trivia night. Let’s talk.
The Drinking Round was a competition of whoever could do the best impression of any of the Misters from Round Two. Points For Slytherin took it with an impeccable Mr. Ed. Free drinks for your liver!
In third place was Jazz Cats with 37 points because the real second place finisher was Glendale Tap This and they refuse to win a prize. In second place was Points For Slytherin with 39 points. And winning the night with more than one double or nothing was No Grabbing Bets with 60 points! Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 145720 | No Grabbing Betts | 60 | 4 | 1.000 |
| 2 | 143324 | Glendale Tap This!! | 48 | 3 | 0.750 |
| 3 | 107470 | Points For Slytherin | 39 | 2 | 0.500 |
| 4 | Jazz Cats | 37 | 1 | 0.250 | |
| 5 | 35430 | Solo Gig | 33 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Rooferaneus, God Of Rooftops, hammered the last nail into the top of his customer’s house, he immediately screamed: “I’m outta here!” and slid down the slide he’d put there for just such easy escapes. “Not so fast!” a voice boomed from above. Looking up, Roof (to his friends) saw only two large, black, hairy holes. “Zoom out!” yelled Roof to the figure from above. “Oh, sorry,” the sky-bound voice said and did just that: zoomed out an appropriate amount to reveal the nose of Cloudeneus, God Of Clouds. “Oh hey, Cloud (to his friends). What’re you doing up there?” said Roof sarcastically as Cloud’s face came into focus. “Need a favor,” said Cloud. “You’re kidding,” thought Roof. “You’re kidding,” said Roof. “The top of my mother-in-law’s house got blown away by a kraken fart this morning and she’s gonna need a new one.” “A kraken?” asked Roof, “don’t you mean the kraken?” “Oh, there’s more than one now,” said Cloud. And there began an entire argument about what constituted a real kraken against the one true kraken and before they knew it, Cloud’s mother-in-law had won a rental apartment lottery and found a new place all by herself. Here’s the point: If you don’t stay on topic, the problem you have one minute might just go away the next. Nothing like that happened at The Glendale Tap Wednesday night. Let’s talk:
The Drinking Round was a Cher Off. The best impression of Cher won free drinks. The winner? Foxymoron with a scene from Moonstruck where she slaps Nicolas Cage. It counted.
In third place tonight was When In Ramen with with 63. In second was Forgive Me Father, The Beef Has Gone Sour! with 65 points. And taking the night, and Cher’s heart, was Foxymoron with 67 points. Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | Foxymoron | 67 | 9 | 1.000 | |
| 2 | Forgive me Father, the Beef has gone sour! | 65 | 8 | 0.889 | |
| 3 | 131792 | When in Ramen | 63 | 7 | 0.778 |
| 4 | 98077 | Queen Bees | 55 | 6 | 0.667 |
| 5 | 145251 | vampire counsel 🧛 | 54 | 5 | 0.556 |
| 6 | 113074 | Robert & The Passengers | 49 | 4 | 0.444 |
| 7 | The big qub | 39 | 3 | 0.333 | |
| 8 | 117890 | Team GT | 36 | 2 | 0.222 |
| 9 | 145248 | Bobby! | 30 | 1 | 0.111 |
| 10 | Pliny the Fruits | 28 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Wrenchereus, God Of Tools, reached for his Phillips-head screwdriver without looking (something he was wont to do, for everything he needed was always within thinking distance), a friendly foot pressed down on his hand and a voice boomed forth with: “That’s MY screwdriver!” Looking up, Wrench (to his friends) saw none other than the man himself. No, not Zeus. Someone better. Badder. It was Phillips. The guy the screwdriver was named after, Standing right there in his garage. “Please don’t say ‘Who are you?’” said Phillips. “I hate that one,” he added. Wrench stammered a bit and got out: “I definitely know who you are! You’re a god around here!” Phillips laughed and said: “It’s always weird when one god, who is verifiably a god, calls me a god.” “It must happen a lot,” said Wrench. Phillips laughed and said: “Yeah.” Phillips finally arrived at the reason for his visit. “I’ve got this convention every year—“ “You sure do!” interrupted Wrench. “—and I need a giant screwdriver made. And I was wondering if you can do it.” “But the convention is today,” said Wrench. And in that moment, that sweat-filled, urgent moment, Wrench knew Phillips needed this giant screwdriver constructed this instant. Like, right now. “My only stipulation is that the screwdriver must be taller than Old Man Jimmy’s grain silo, which is two hundred and fifty feet.” “That’s a big screwdriver,” said Wrench. “Can you do it?” asked Phillips, still, by the way, with his foot on Wrench’s hand. It seemed very clear to Wrench that his answer’d better be yes. And so Wrench got started, but, since he was a god (and an oily ragged one at that) the two hundred and fifty-one-foot screwdriver was promptly erected on the site of the Phillips convention as guests streamed in, saw Wrench’s work and remarked: “That’s almost as big as the giant jackhammer.” With Old Man Jimmy’s grain silo just a quarter mile away, the convention was going off splendidly. “You went just one foot taller than the silo? Now that’s humor!” said Phillips to Wrench, as a burst of fire and lightening charged the air above. A bolt of death zapped Old Man Jimmy’s silo and brought it down in a tumbling heap. A huge “Hurrah!” from the crowd went up as quickly as the lightening came down and Wrench said: “What the hell happened?” Phillips explained: “The Zap Of Olphaneus will only destroy the second tallest structure at the Phillips Convention if the event falls on the second Saturday. Today is such a Saturday and, until your screwdriver, the second tallest structure here was Emily’s Double Layered Cookie Warehouse which, though, only standing at ten feet, is still the second tallest. We needed a distraction for Olph’s (to his friends) bolt and your screwdriver was the one to do it. Thank you for your service.” Old Man Jimmy rushed over to complain. “What about my silo?” he asked Phillips. “Go have a cookie,” suggested Phillips. And Old Man Jimmy, and the rest of the world, did just that. Emily sold out that day. Here’s the point: This exact thing happened at The Glendale Tap on Wednesday night. Let’s talk:
The Drinking Round was a Panda Off: the best impression of a panda would take the prize of free drinks for their table. The winner? Harry and Dobby for the most forlorn, introspective panda I’ve ever seen in public or private! Free drinks!
In third place, with a score of 43 points, was Matt Moscato, a team that simply must, every week, make their team name have something to do with my last name of Champagne. (I asked them to stop flirting me. They refuse.) In second place, with a score of 50 points was Sharcougherie. And taking the night once again was When In Ramen with 51 full American points. Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 131792 | When in Ramen | 51 | 8 | 1.000 |
| 2 | 144734 | Sharcougherie | 50 | 7 | 0.875 |
| 3 | Matt Moscato | 43 | 6 | 0.750 | |
| 4 | Glendale Tap This Turns 30!! | 40 | 5 | 0.625 | |
| 5 | 107470 | Points for Slytherin | 41 | 4 | 0.500 |
| 6 | 144735 | Harry and Dobby | 40 | 3 | 0.375 |
| 7 | 144733 | Dirty Martinis | 35 | 2 | 0.250 |
| 8 | 35430 | Solo Gig | 32 | 1 | 0.125 |
| 9 | 144732 | Dirty Biscuits | 29 | 0 | 0.000 |
