The Glendale Tap
4227 San Fernando RdGlendale CA 91204
- PUB QUIZ—Wednesdays @ 7:30pm
The Glendale Tap
Glendale CA 91204
QUIZ RECAP
When Panella, Goddess Of Throwing Pans, hurled her last pan of the Pan-Off, an annual Pan Hurling event, everyone thought she was done, including her. “Well, that’s it for me,” said Pan (to her friends) as she took a load off and plopped down under a Velcro tree, “I’m done here.” From deep in the forest came a reply, gravelly and low: “Oh, are you?” Suddenly, from a beige, butt-shaped cloud, Skilleteus, God Of Skillets, plummeted to Earth, landed at Pan’s feet and before he could even say anything, Pan finished for him: “You challenge me, right?” This happened to Pan all the time: she’d whip her pans across the universe with more accuracy than a laser sight, finish up with an “I’m done!” and then have to deal with the next ego-hurt god-dude who just couldn’t let it go, who just simply had to take her on. “Okay, let’s go,” Pan sighed to Skillet (to his friends). “Wanna go first?” asked Pan. But Skillet didn’t answer; he just chucked a no-stick fryer into the air on a sweeping arc high into the night and then caught it in his teeth upon its return two years later. Pan said: “‘Kay, my go!” She wound back and suddenly put her pan into a hyper sleep chamber and made it freeze there for twenty years. When she finally opened the pod again, an entire two decades later, the pan was older and therefore had traveled more than Skillet’s pan. “That’s cheating!” said Skillet, “and I had to wait twenty years for that! Where are the judges?” And he was right: the judges left after year seven. But here’s the point: Last night’s game of trivia took nowhere near as long. Let’s talk!
The Drink Round was a Love Off: impressions of Courtney Love did abound. The winner was Foxymoron who sang quite off pitch; in other words, it was perfect. Free drinks!
In third place was Four Kids In A Trenchcoat with 44 points. In second place was Boogie Down with 55 points. And taking the night (and the beer) was Foxymoron with 56 points! (The true winner was Glendale Tap This! with 68,000 points, but when the bartenders win, it’s bad for business so they very nicely relinquish their prize and pay it forward. How—whattayacallit?—nice! Join us every Wednesday at 7:30 at the Glendale Tap for more King Trivia fun!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 143324 | Glendale Tap This!! | 68 | 8 | 1.000 |
| 2 | Foxymoron | 56 | 7 | 0.875 | |
| 3 | Boogie Down | 55 | 6 | 0.750 | |
| 4 | 152159 | Four kids in a trench coat | 44 | 5 | 0.625 |
| 5 | The orange dot | 43 | 4 | 0.500 | |
| 6 | Matt Chardonnay | 39 | 3 | 0.375 | |
| 7 | 89887 | We Dem Boyz | 28 | 1 | 0.188 |
| 7 | 151405 | Brownie Points | 28 | 1 | 0.188 |
| 9 | Daddies and Dumplings | 26 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Jaquondea, Goddess Of Jacks, scooped up her last pearly (and by “her,” it’s meant it was indeed hers, as in owned by her, as she had indeed owned the entire match by that point), her vanquished opponent Larrondeus, God Of Dirt Games, mumbled: “Double or nothing?” “We’ve been played for two millennia,” answer Jaq (to her friends). And they had indeed been playing for two millennia: the marble match in question had started at one end of the galaxy and moved like a snail to the other, with the two gods bent to the dirt in a battle of spherical knockabout that rivaled the intensity of the previous millennium’s Universe Ball Match, a similar competition in which two teams of four gods each hurled planets at one another until all gods were destroyed. But that competition only took six hundred thousand years and no overtime. Jaq and Lar (to his friends) had not anticipated to still be playing. The crowd too had not foreseen the length of this scrimmage and deserted the stands after the first million years, leaving the two hurlers to themselves. “What do we do now?” asked Lar, “I feel like playing marbles with you…is the only thing I know.” “You hitting on me?” asked Jaq. “Certainly not,” said Law, “it’s just that…while I specialize in dirt games, I don’t even really consider marbles to be a dirt game.” “So you agreed to this bout because why?” “I had time to kill, but not this much time. My family, though comprised of all gods, have probably died of old age by now.” Lar’s idea of a dirt game was mud wrestling, and when he tried to bring that up Jaq thought he was hitting on her again and looked embarrassed, so Lar tried to console her with: “At least there aren’t people watching.” “I’m still extremely embarrassed.” And then the two gods, post-match, stood there eyeing each other for the rest of eternity. Here’s the point: Trivia night at the Glendale Tap tonight was exactly like this.
In honor of Question 6, Round 1, the Drinking Round was a tap-off. Whoever could do the best tap dance won free drinks. And the winner was this girl from Rob’s Angels. You know what she did? She actually tap danced. Free drinks!
In third place tonight with a score of 56 points was Burgerphone. Taking second place (by tie-breaker) is When In Ramen. And taking first place (by tiebreaker) was Rob’s Angels! Come back next week to the Glendale Tap for more King Trivia fun!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 134280 | Rob’s Angels | 61 | 11 | 0.958 |
| 1 | 131792 | When in Ramen | 61 | 11 | 0.958 |
| 3 | 151739 | Burgerphone | 56 | 10 | 0.833 |
| 4 | 143324 | Glendale Tap This!! | 51 | 9 | 0.750 |
| 5 | Live Laugh Love | 43 | 8 | 0.667 | |
| 6 | Did you know that Viggo Mortensen broke two toes from kicking the helmet while filming Lord of the Rings? | 37 | 7 | 0.583 | |
| 7 | 98077 | Queen Bees | 31 | 6 | 0.500 |
| 8 | 151209 | Peazzz in my pants | 28 | 5 | 0.417 |
| 9 | Embroidered shirt | 25 | 4 | 0.333 | |
| 10 | Trivial Triumvirate | 24 | 3 | 0.250 | |
| 11 | Your Mom | 22 | 2 | 0.167 | |
| 12 | Sudoku | 17 | 1 | 0.083 | |
| 13 | Embroidered shirts | 11 | 0 | 0.000 |
QUIZ RECAP
When Landaneus, God Of Sand, finished his one millionth sand castle in five minutes at the Two Hundred Millionth Annual Godly Sand Castle Contest held every year at Cosmic Shores, he thought he was a shoo-in for the win. “Who else can do it like that?” asked Land (to his friends). “Maybe…ME?!” came the response from on high. Deep from a cloud, Sculptaneus, God Of Sculpture, plummeted to Land’s feet and said: “I’ll whip up one right now—just one—that will win this entire contest!” “But” was all Land could get out before Sculpt (to his friends), using only his eyes and the swivel of his neck, brought forth a sandy storm that immediately covered approximately seven thousand nine hundred and forty-eight square feet of beach. “I’m just getting started!” announced Sculpt, who truly was just beginning, for this five-second storm was but a foundation dig for what followed: a luxurious, sprawling, four-story mansion replete with moat, helipad and servants quarters. This all took no longer than twenty seconds. When finished, the crowd erupted in cacophonous applause and waited for the judges’ decisions. But one look at their table revealed the judges were missing. Well, not quite missing. Because they had moved—each of them—into the sand mansion Sculpt had just built. “We live here now,” said the judges. Land shouted into the echoing palace: “You guys gonna tell us who won?” The judges were never seen again, lost to the posh benefits of the Literal Sand Castle. “Doesn’t seem fair they get to live in such a nice place,” said Land. “Only til high tide,” said Sculpt. Here’s the point: trivia night at The Glendale Tap tonight was exactly like this! Let’s talk:
The Drinking Round was a rousing SNL-off replete with impressions of “Cowbell,” the weird Bill Hader guy (don’t know his name), and Matt Foley. Trivia Besties took the win with the Foley impression. It’s the belt adjusting you gotta get just right. Congrats!
In third place was Matt Moscato with 57 points. In second was the aforementioned Trivia Besties with 67. And dominating the night for the two hundredth time was When In Ramen with an unacceptable 86 points! Come back next week for more King Trivia fun at the Glendale Tap!
| Game Rank | Team # | Team Name | Score | Teams Beaten | Team Beat Average |
| 1 | 131792 | When in Ramen | 86 | 13 | 1.000 |
| 2 | Trivia Besties | 61 | 12 | 0.923 | |
| 3 | Matt Moscato | 57 | 11 | 0.846 | |
| 4 | Baby outside of the bar | 51 | 10 | 0.769 | |
| 5 | 149393 | Even More Queen Bees | 50 | 9 | 0.692 |
| 6 | Boogie Down | 48 | 8 | 0.615 | |
| 7 | Savage Gang | 45 | 7 | 0.538 | |
| 8 | 107470 | Points For Slytherin | 42 | 6 | 0.462 |
| 9 | 123775 | Agent R. Kyle | 40 | 5 | 0.385 |
| 10 | 98077 | Queen Bees | 36 | 4 | 0.308 |
| 11 | Where’s Eric | 34 | 3 | 0.231 | |
| 12 | Foxymoron | 33 | 2 | 0.154 | |
| 13 | 151209 | Inner Peaz | 34 | 1 | 0.077 |
| 14 | O, The Ennui | 15 | 0 | 0.000 |
